WontonBlog

Code Blue, Mrwonton.com

In an effort to bring a little more life into this charming site, well, here I am. I’ll make no big fuss over introductions. If you know me I need none. And if you don’t, you know Mr, and you are so starved for updates that any fool with a login and some spare time will snag your attention. So lets jump right in to something that has been bothering me lately….

Nice people.
I was one of those spring dropout kind of kids back a few years ago, and it is a considerable fall from grace. The nature of the transition from high school into college and the consequences of failure are much higher than I had anticipated. Moving out, getting a job where you hope you don’t see people you know, letting go of so many luxuries you can no longer afford. It amazes me that people can live their whole lives on the kind of income that scraps a meager vacation when your car needs work.

You get used to setbacks that move you back to square one or that erase lengths of hard work. Its very discouraging. As I plan a move back to North Carolina to enter as a Junior at UNC, its hard not to keep looking around, trying to find that delicious bit of circumstance that will somehow snatch the rug right out from under my feet.

I’ve been thinking about how I expect the random meteor strike because I’ve made a couple of friends here in New York, and they simply do not share my cynicism. It’s hard to believe that such good natured, considerate, optimistic people live in the same world I do. Where I think someone’s actions are reflections of quality, they are tireless and almost reaching for mitigating circumstances and redeeming situations. It’s something I admire and parts of me wish to emulate it, but I don’t know where it comes from.

Perhaps its a product of a life with a considerable safety net, where setbacks send you back to square five rather than square one. It could be a deliberate, bullheaded slap to the face of Murphy and his god awful law. Or it might be a simpleness and reluctance to learn, a pathetic grasp on idealism that looks for the silver lining on every cloud and points out the shiny colors on a toxic waste dump.

The cynic in me would love to dismiss these earnest friends as the latter, but I know them too well. They are not fools, and they have seen a remarkable share of ruin in the world, and a portion of personal setback as well. Maybe not enough though.

I mostly think the difference is experiencing the slap of flesh when you honestly have fallen to the cold, cement bottom. Seeing the suffering of others or experiencing a setback from point of success does not give you that same outlook. It is the difference between considering the worst and expecting it.

But the most important thing about a relentless optimism, especially from an educated, realistic perspective, is that it takes effort. They truly try to value every person and all their shortcomings.

Part of me respects that, but honestly, I can’t help but wonder what the point is. I’d rather be shocked when someone turns out to be worth a damn then be shocked when they fuck me over.

This is much more complicated than I can give justice to, its just been nagging at me lately. I’m glad that people like that exist, and will be even happier that the world can sustain that outlook. I just can’t help but look for the shooting stars. Of fiery doom.