February 27, 2005

A justifiable warning

Big Apple here we come…

Posted by MrWonton at 11:26 am | Comments (3)

February 22, 2005

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro

To start off, let me say Hunter S. Thompson, you will be missed. Yesterday, I read an interesting article recounting HST’s associations with none other than George Dubbya Bush.

“He knew who I was, at that time, because I had a reputation as a writer,” Thompson said. “I knew he was part of the Bush dynasty. But he was nothing, he offered nothing, and he promised nothing. He had no humor. He was insignificant in every way and consequently I didn’t pay much attention to him. But when he passed out in my bathtub, then I noticed him. I’d been in another room, talking to the bright people. I had to have him taken away.”

I love it. I wouldn’t quite go so far as to say that I model my life after a paranoid acid freak, but I still like it when we speak the same language. Talk about speaking the same language, today I read that he’s having his ashes shot out of a cannon over his estate. I totally have to do that now. Also, here’s another quote:

“I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence or insanity to anyone, but they’ve always worked for me.”

I went skiing on Friday after work, just a quick trip to a relatively close mountain for some night skiing. The conditions were abhorent, nothing but ice. There were some nice jumps though, which made for some spectacular crashes on very hard ground. I managed to fall hard enough to pop out one of my contacts, as well as lose my hat and goggles about 2 miles up the mountain. Thanks random snowboard kid for bringing those back. Amazingly, the contact stuck inside my face mask, and I got it back in before it froze solid. I did manage to hurt my neck and leg though, so all was not a waste.

Yesterday I finished the 5th Discworld novel (Sourcery). I started the first one right after I got to Massachusetts, and I haven’t really been able to stop. Thanks goes to Brandy for the recommendation.

U-M’s spring break starts this Friday. I talked to Derek yesterday, and he’s going to come by this Saturday, and we’re going to NYC for a few days. About damn time! I’ve been looking for a good excuse to go there for awhile, and this’ll do nicely. It ain’t gonna be cheap though… Goodbye relocation money. Derek did find a hostel for us that goes for about $30 a night, close to downtown, and a block from a subway station.

A group of co-ops from work (read: 6 guys and 1 girl) and I (make that 7 guys and 1 girl) went to TGI Friday’s then went to see Constantine. It is quite possibly the most fabulously good and bad movie I’ve seen in a long time. Keanu Reeves manages to deliver most of his lines like he’s hangin’ ten off the bleached coast of Cali, which doesn’t really fit the almost noir-esque environ of the movie. Regardless, if you don’t take it seriously, and there are plenty of parts to suggest that you shouldn’t (Keanu sitting in a chair with his feet in a bucket of water and a cat on his lap, or perhaps flicking off the devil as he ascends towards heaven), it at least manages to be fun to laugh at. Especially if you have Katrina around jumping 3 feet off her chair when a bus drives by. Yeah, sorry, still can’t get over that bus.

I finally came to turns with the fact that I’m never going to land a role as an extra in Saturday Night Fever and ditched the 70’s throwback sideburns. I’m not entirely sure where they came from in the first place. Besides, I could still be the next Tony Manero, he didn’t sport the ‘burns. “Would ya just watch the hair. Ya know, I spend a long time on my hair and he hit it! He hit my hair.” Yeah, I could do it.

Finally, to top off the random crap, if this stuff comes to market and is cheap, I’ll be stocking up! Talk about a good way to save money… Just start the night off right, pop a couple of the tablets, and enjoy. The MrWonton 3 step plan.

Posted by MrWonton at 11:52 pm | Comments (39)

February 18, 2005

Say it ain’t so Koko!

This absolutely has to be true. If not someone has one hell of an imagination.

Posted by MrWonton at 2:54 pm | Comments (47)

February 16, 2005



Posted by MrWonton at 10:25 am | Comments (10)

February 14, 2005

V-day, bleed me a river

Friday, after work, 3 other co-ops and I drove up to New Hampshire to go skiing. We spent the night at a cheap bed and breakfast. Less than $25 per person, 2 double beds, and a cot (one rock paper scissors game and one of the nice beds was mine!). It’s eerie being in the Northeast sometimes. We walk into the place around 10:30, it’s been dark for at least 4 hours, and we’re walking into what looks like a living room of a relatively nice house… and it’s totally empty. We wander around for a minute before we find a button you can push for service, and a nice old couple ambles out to greet us and point us to our room. As far as I could tell we were the only ones in the place. Breakfast was served at 7, and consisted of coffee, tea, orange juice, pancakes, and quite possibly the best sausage ever produced by any combination of pigs and men without shadowy dealings with the devil. We were the only one’s there, although 2 tables for 2 were set up next to us.

From there it was on to Bretton Woods for a solid 8 hours of skiing. Yadda yadda yadda, good exhausting times were had by all.

Recovered Sunday.

Which brings us to today, Valentine’s Day (for the less romantically inclined, Single’s Awareness Day [S.A.D.], for the rebellious tinfoil-hat, a ploy by the evil corporations to subvert our culture into demanding we pour our hard earned money into the pockets of an increasingly evil and powerful aristocracy, or for the counter-culture all-star, a load of crap). While some spent the day with their loved ones, or plotting a coup d’etat for the exploited proletariat, I instead opted for 9 hours and 45 minutes at work. Most of that was because they decided to have a blood drive at work, and I figured I might as well donate. Since none of my other precious bodily fluids were going to be put to any use today, my blood might as well be. Went off with a bang let me tell you. The nurse put some paper towels down and had me making a fist, but when they put the needle in my arm I shot blood in a nice arc that spanned from about my waist on my side over to above my breast pocket. Of course, being the smart guy that I am I was wearing my favorite shirt that has any buttons on it… Ugh! On the positive side, I made it worth my while by eating 3 bags of Famous Amos cookies, a package of vanilla wafer cookies, a bag of cheesy crackers, and drinking 2 cans of lemonade, and a half liter of water.

So now I’m sore from skiing and having a needle in my arm for about 15 minutes (seemed like 2 days) without anything good coming in. Both were worth it in the end though. This was only the second time I’ve been skiing since I started college, and I’d always avoided giving blood because needles freak me out. I wanted to do it, and I did.

Happy Valentine’s day. Lots of love.

Posted by MrWonton at 7:02 pm | Comments (10)

February 11, 2005

Hell yeah this is Julio

Ring ring ring (Ann Arbor area code on the Caller ID)…
Hello?” (In an extremely muffled, extremely Indian voice)
“Does this sound like Julio?”
“Yeah thats cuz its not.”

“You’ve got the wrong number.”
Goodbye.” (Thank you come again)

Posted by MrWonton at 2:34 pm | Comments (8)

February 10, 2005

Time flies when you’re me

My first day of work here was a month ago today. Tomorrow ends week 5, and earns me paycheck #2. Time is freakin’ flying. I don’t know where the time has gone. It reminds me of driving back home from Tennessee two summers ago. After being up about 36 hours, and driving for all but a couple of those, I can remember time shifting down the highways in Michigan as I got close to home and sleep-induced vehicular suicide. Its been kind of like that but without the added fun of a near-death experience. Well except the whole no-headlights thing. Sometimes I wonder why I’m allowed to drive, then I remember I have an essentially perfect driving record. The mind boggles.

Do yourself a favor and procure the recently-leaked Beck album Guero. Overwhelmingly nonsensical-yet-amusing lyrics only Beck Hansen could get away with abound.

See the vegetable man
In the vegetable van
With a horn that’s honking
Like a mariachi band
In the middle of the street
People gather around
Put the dollar dollar dollar in the can

Posted by MrWonton at 11:33 am | Comments (10)

February 08, 2005


I hate insomnia. I have too much on my mind… It’s almost funny how my mind insists on figuring absolutely everything out exactly when it needs to shut the hell up. I swear if I could be trying and failing to sleep all the time, I’d have thought of some revolutionary idea and retired by now. Instead, tomorrow I’ll be drinking a ridiculous amount of coffee and blasting hardcore music in my cubicle to resist catching up on the sleep I’m certainly not going to get tonight.


Posted by MrWonton at 2:33 am | Comments (4)

February 04, 2005


I have headlights again. People will stop flashing their lights conscientiously at me as I drive blindly around the shrouded streets of Marlborough… damn helpful bastards.

Last night 11 Intel co-ops and I went to Boston and ushered for Blue Man Group, or rather, 9 of them ushered, 2 others and I talked to random people through tubes. If you haven’t been to a Blue Man Group show, they use a lot of tubes, and have the theaters filled with them. Before the show, some of them talk to you… and that was my job. We tubetalkers were stuck in a back room with a large black wooden board reminiscent of early telephone switchboards. Where you’d expect wires were an array of color coded tubes that corresponded to a colored floorplan of the theater. From our “switchboard” we could listen to people milling around in the theater, and try to get them to come up to the tubes and talk to us. We came up with some pretty funny stuff that really only makes sense after you’ve been shouting into a wall of tubes at strangers for about an hour. After that we got some rather nice free seats for the show. Afterwards we had to help clean up the 2 and a half odd miles of toilet paper that had flowed over the audience to the stage. Not too bad at all for tickets that were probably worth $40+.

Of course now I have a nice long weekend of being under 21 and surrounded by a bitter football rivalry (in Massachusetts, but working and living with quite a few devout Eagles fans) I really could care less about, the only tradition of which, drinking to excess, I can’t take part in. At least theres driving after dark to keep me busy. Hoo boy, nothing like cruising frozen “downtown” Marlborough. Sensing some animosity?

I went to New Hampshire today to drop off my roommate at the airport. I had no directions to get back, so I got a little lost for a bit, and just when I feared I may never find my way out of the NH Boonies, I happened across a site that alleviated all my fears: nestled in a valley, set in a haze of fog, was a mammoth Anheuser-Busch brewery! I knew then that there was no way that god, in his infinite wisdom, would allow a brewery of such epic proportions as this to be placed in a location that any drunk on a pilgrimage there wouldn’t be able to drunkenly drive themselves there and back from a freeway. Sure enough, I hadn’t gone another 2 miles before all my dilemma was solved. See politicians? Alcohol helps minors.

When I got back from my odyssey, I went back to work. For numerous reasons, I’ve been forced away from work quite often as of late, so I still had over an hour to work to get to my 40 hours for the week, which I wouldn’t feel right not attaining. I rolled into Intel a little past 6:30. This is on a Friday. The place still bustled with activity! Ok, maybe not bustled, but there were hundreds of people milling about working. I’m talking about engineers, most of whom are exempt (salaried), not to mention blessed with Flex-Time. Myself, I’d hate to be at work past 7 on a Friday if I’m not making any extra money, nor limited to working that specific time frame. Confusing…

After getting my 40 hours, I decided to prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that, at least culinarily, I’m a 10th degree black-jew, that is to say I went to a delicious chinese restaurant and ate to excess from all 3 major food groups: General Tsao’s chicken, Fried Rice, and yeah, thats right, crab cheese Wontons.

I caught enough of the State of the Union address to be again frighteningly reminded about the talking disaster at the helm of this country. I found his pro-constitutional-gay-marriage-ban to be the most offensive of his allusions to our collective impending oppression, suffering, and inevitable doom. If he’s going to spout descriminatory rhetoric, I’d rather he stop half assing it and trade his finely tailored suits and ties for a nice white robe and hood with a few swastikas here and there; you know, make it blazingly clear where he stands. Other than that little indiscression, I thought he did a very convincing job pushing his disasterously unsound social security plan, and who doesn’t love his subtle hints that Syria and Iran have made his “naughty” list. Time to go kick some more Arabic ass eh Mr. President? We can always count on you sir.

Freedoms cannot be exported by tanks and planes, death and destruction.
-Mehdi Dakhlallah, Syria’s information minister

Posted by MrWonton at 9:48 pm | Comments (4)

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